Forget PRs I’m trying for a PHR

When I was racing all the time, like most runners, I was always trying to break another Personal Record or PR. I was always trying to push my pace, go faster up the hill, run more repeats, or do more speed work. Unfortunately it became just that…work. So, after having my left Achilles reattached I refocused my goals for this year. After having such a great time running 6 Hashruns between April and June I decided to focus this year on Hashing. Besides Hashruns combine my two favorite activities, running and drinking beer. I had 12 Hashruns planned for October and then life got in the way; so once again I hit 9 Hashes last month. Nine seems to be the invisible ceiling I keep hitting but I will break it. I will break my PHR. I will achieve a new “Personal Hash Record”.

October started with an amazingly fun weekend. Summit Hash House Harriers (H3) hosted a “No Frills Interhash Campout at Harmony Ridge Campground in Branchville, NJ September 30 – October 2. Roughly 40 Hashers attended from such groups as Summit, NOSE, Rumson “The Hells Angels of Hashing”, MDL, Princeton, ASSS, H5, Bimbos of Jersey, DC Road Whores, Summit Full Moon, Jersey Whores and Flour City. Hopefully I didn’t miss any or I’ll have to pay for it later for not mentioning them. The weekend included a run on Friday evening, a run on Saturday afternoon, a “Midnight Naked Run”, and a stagger around the park Sunday morning (I chose to sleep in). There was great food, great beer, great bonfire, beautiful scenery (minus the Naked run) and an amazing group of people! Douche Brag and Wet Spot did a super job putting this groovy event together. This event should happen every weekend.

After we tore down and packed everything up Sunday morning 9 of us stopped at Reilly’s Pub in Newton, NJ for the "NOSE Meets The ASSS" Hash hosted by NOSEH3 and ASSSH3. It was planned to start at noon but since the hare, Kojak, was still drinking with us at the campground at 12:30 we took our time getting there. We gave Kojak about a 20 minute head start before we left so he’d have time to set trail.

 (This is why she doesn't normally wear shoes)

I continued “Picking the NOSE” by running with the North of Seventy Eight group every Wednesday in October. On Wednesday the 5^th, 10 of us ran NOSE #134 which will forever be known as “The Hot Tub Hash” in Denville, NJ. Stevie Nicks set a great trail through some power line shiggy, bush whacking our way through dense woods before returning to Stevie’s house for a BBQ and beers in the outdoor hot tub.

On Wednesday the 12^th, 16 Hashers made our way to NOSE #135 in Morris Plains, NJ for a 5 mile run hared by Anal. It was great trail with plenty of shiggy and bush whacking and only a little pavement, much to my liking. We found a “Pet Cemetery” in the woods that would make even Steven King cringe. We fully expected to be assaulted by a group of satanic clowns before making our way to the 20 foot tall, cement “Trump Wall”. It was a “Huge wall”…a “Great wall”…built to keep all the illegal animals off Interstate 80 and “Everybody was talking about it”. I’m not sure but I had heard that Mexico actually paid for it. Our On-after was at the nearby Hoovers Cocktails, Morris counties oldest family owned bar.

 

I ran for the first time with Princeton H3 on Sunday October 16. Go 4 Hole and Auto Erotica hared some beautiful trail around Burlington County’s newest park, Crystal Lake Park in Mansfield, NJ. I was surprised to find such rolling terrain this far south in Jersey. Seven Hashers and 2 dogs ran and then enjoyed a great BBQ under the new pavilion. I believe it was Suck Me Up that fell on one of the down hills leaving blood on trail so you know it was good!

Wednesday the 19^th, In the Bush hared NOSE #136 starting at the Bee Meadow School in Whippany, NJ. Trail was the usual Bush trail…confusing. Marks were faded or missing but we all made it to the beer stop which was a good thing since we would need the added nourishment for our way back. Everyone missed a check point on the way back. Lesson for future hares…don’t mark a chalk circle around a manhole cover and expect anyone to see it at night! Actually I thought it was pretty funny. Our On-after was at Billy and Madeline’s “Red Room” Tavern.

 (I earned my shirt...I'm officially a NOSE picker!)

Next up, I set trail in Wrightstown, NJ on Friday October 21^st for MDL #7 “FLAT’s Birthday-eve” Night Hash. We met for a Pre-lube at Kelly’s Bar before I sent the group on their way. They found beer stop 1 at Thunderbird Lanes bowling alley. Trail to this point was very easy to follow with only a couple check points. The fun was to be found on the next section which I had included some single-track trail, an abandoned train bridge, an out and back loop around a septic leach field (”Yum”) and bush whacking through some nasty mud, water and chest-high vegetation. Beer stop 2 was to be at Bunky’s Pub; but, for some reason they were closed even after I had conformed they would be open. Luckily, the last beer stop was back at Kelly’s only a quarter mile away. I’d like to say thank you to Roller Girl, Wet Spot, Dog E. Style, Great Sex and Rear End Wrangler for coming out for this “Pop-up” event and making the night a great one!

(Marking trail) 

Two days later, on October 23^rd, I hared the MDL #8 Hash from Mayo’s Halfway House in Chatsworth, NJ. I messed with the pack of 10 right from the start by laying a quarter mile false trail. After back tracking they finally found my true trail and were on their way to beer stop 1 at the Fire Tower. The Park Rangers were in the tower and let us go to the top for some nice photos. After downing some beverage and snacks the pack took off on what they assumed would be more easy trail. They assumed wrong, “Ha ha ha”! This section included some very thick shiggy. At one point they had to crawl through the prickers in order to enter a marshy section. At the end of the marsh, they found even more shiggy before getting to my first “Chicken-Eagle” split. The eagles ran an extra half mile before reconnecting with the chickens on the way to beer stop 2. I also placed 2 “Shot Checks” along the trail. When the Front Running Bastard (FRB) found the shot check, he or she had to take the 2 shots back to the last person where they’d consume the shots before continuing on.  After beer stop 2 the trail back split once more with the chickens running straight back along a dirt road to Mayo’s. The eagles followed a bunch of twisting fire break trails that eventually ended across the road from Mayo’s. All together the FRBs had run about 7 miles with the rest of the group running about 5.5 miles. Everybody hung out at Mayo’s for a couple hours enjoying the great food and beers in this really fun “Piney” bar.

 

(Enjoying my birthday Down-down)

My final Hash of the month was once again with NOSE. NOSE #137 was a Halloween Costume Pub Crawl Hash around Rockaway, NJ. Twatever led the 12 of us to Adam’s Beer Garden, The Exchange and the Tavern on the Rocks. The funniest part of the night was when Slutty Nose came dressed like one of our other Hashers, Stretch. He dressed like Stretch, wore a wig that looked like Stretch, and acted like Stretch…perfect!

So there we have it, 9 more hashes in October. My goal is 10 in one month but so far it has eluded me. I continue to post the number 10 in all the rooms around my house, at work and in my vehicle so everywhere I look I am reminded of my next goal. I chant the number 10 while meditating and even turn the lights on and off 10 times. Everything is focused on 10. I will break through that damn 9-hash ceiling that’s haunted me for months now. I will achieve that next PHR. I will Hash 10 times in one month. In the meantime, I’ll be practicing. Run, drink, repeat. On-on!

H.A.S.H. Hash, Hash, Hash!

After a slow month of hashing in August, I ran 7 Hash runs in September. I ran with Bimbos of Jersey H3, MDL H3, Summit H3, Rumson H3 (The Hells Angels of Hashing), and I even “Picked the NOSE” 4 times. NOSE or "North Of Seventy Eight" are so named because they almost always run north of Interstate 78 which crosses the northern part of New Jersey. I’ll start this month' recap with the NOSE hashes. September 1^st I drove up to Short Hills, NJ. Deer Bitch once again set trail for NOSE #127, this time taking us thru the Short Hills Train Station tunnel and winded our way up and down the single-track trails inside the beautiful Cora Hartshorn Arboretum & Bird Sanctuary.

 

 

 (Trail down thru the train tunnel)

 (Dinner after the hash)

Next, NOSE switched from Thursdays to Wednesdays for the winter. NOSE #129 was held in Morristown, NJ and hared by Wet Spot. I arrived a little early only to find myself being questioned by the police as to why there were weird marks on the ground near me made from some unknown white powder. Some local kids had found it and called 911 reporting that someone had thrown "Handfuls of Anthrax around the parking lot". I explained to them that there was a running club doing a trail run and that our host had used biodegradable flour to mark the trail. I left out the part that we would be consuming beer on trail as that might have caused another problem.  The rest of the hashers arrived at the parking lot just as the police were leaving and we all had a good laugh about it. Wet Spot's trail took us thru the beautiful trails of Jockey Hollow Top Preserve and the surrounding hills with one beer stop at a cute little abandoned school house. Then we finished the last ¾ miles up the steep and winding Bailey Hollow Road.

(The motley crew)

 (Into the shiggy)

 (Unofficial pit stop; I wish they were throwing away some Guinness)

 

NOSE #130 was short but not without its own memorable moments. Anal set trail which took us on a pub crawl around and thru the Rockaway Mall. The 10 of us made our way into Red Robin Pub, around the hectic children's carousel area, and finally to Buffalo Wild Wings, which was going to be only beer stop number 2. It quickly became our last stop as well as our On-after once we found out it was $2 draft night…all drafts, even Guinness! Nuff said.

 

 ($2 drafts...including Guinness!!!)

NOSE #131 turned into a very dark search for the flour trail on a damp and overcast night. Towelless set trail in Whippany, NJ thru some interesting roads and trails including under a bridge, thru head-high shiggy, a very dark forest, crossing a slippery stream, and even under a train! We had pizza delivered to the parking lot for the On-after.

 (Trail went under the train)

MDL H3 Hash #6 took place at Presidential Lakes and was hared and hosted by Bragadeer General. Relying on our headlamps, we set off around 8pm into the surrounding forest. We ran mostly single-track trail and fire breaks, thru sand pit and swamp stopping off twice for some adult beverage. Cuff Diver and myself were first to the “J-check” where we found mixed shot bottles. We had to run them back to the last person and consume the shots before continuing on. Bragadeer and his wife Just Sharon graciously hosted us with a great BBQ, a warm fire and plenty of cold beer.

(Beer stop #1 with Traildog Sparta aka "Autofelatio")

  (One of the stream crossings)

 (My new hash pants!)

Bimbos of Jersey held the "Pre-Papoose Memorial Hash - Hash” in Highlands, NJ. The Pre-lube and On-after were hosted by Whomp’em in the private lot next to her shop, Gert’s Snacks & Spices. It was a small group but what a great group it was! In attendance were: Rear end Wrangler, Great Sex, In the Bush, Wet Spot, Jersey A$$hole, Dog-E Style, Whomp’em and myself "F.L.A.T.".  Wrangler set a short 2 mile trail thru town with beer stops at the Inland Café, the town beach and Andy’s Shore Bar before returning back to Gert’s where most camped for the night. Someone practiced at the beach beer stop for the next day’s “Clothing Optional” hash by skinny dipping. I heard the name was F’s like a Tank? Oh, wait…that’s me. Ha, any excuse to get naked. On a serious side, Gert is a fantastic cook and if she is reading this…thank you again, your food was great!

 (Beer stop #1, Inland Café)

 (Beer stop #2, the site of the lone skinny dipper)

 (Beer stop #3, Andy' Shore Bar)

The next day, about 30 hashers from around the state showed up for the annual Papoose Memorial Hash at Gunnison “Clothing Optional” Beach on Sandy Hook, NJ. This was a combination Rumson and Summit production. Elephant D**k laid trail taking us thru the Old Barracks area, past the Light House, thru the Gun Batteries, and to the new Viewing Tower on the north end before ending on the “Clothing Optional” part of the beach. Whomp’em once again supplied the great feast for those of us that stayed to enjoy the beach and the scenery…well some of the scenery anyways. Those in attendance that I can remember included: everyone from the previous night Rear end Wrangler, Great Sex, In the Bush, Wet Spot, Jersey A$$hole, Dog-E Style, Whom’em and myself. Also attending were: Elephant D**K, G.I., Mr. Jackson, No Genitals, P**sy Destroyer, Just Karen, Just Harold, Chili, Riverman, Miscat, Butt Naked, Nearly Dead and Pinto. Unfortunately I didn’t catch the other names. This was definitely my favorite hash of the month because I could run, drink beer and get naked! The perfect day.

 

 (The Old Barracks)

 (Sandy Hook Lighthouse)

 (The Old Gun Batteries)

(Shameless selfie)

The pictures from the naked beach will not be shared here; but, I must say I did look damn good!